Autonomy Anonymous: How Thailand, Bhutan, and Nepal Stayed “Single”

Setting: A small, cozy space with a circle of chairs set up for an exclusive meeting. The vibe is casual but defiant—like a sisterhood of resilience. The leaders of Thailand, Bhutan, and Nepal sit together, fanning themselves like queens at Sunday brunch, sipping metaphorical tea as they dish on empires trying to run their business. The facilitator, a well-meaning but clueless representative of colonial powers, awkwardly sits nearby, trying to mediate.

Introduction

Facilitator:

“Welcome to Autonomy Anonymous. We’re here to discuss how you’re navigating independence and managing external pressures. Let’s start with introductions.”

Thailand: The Diplomatic Diva

Thailand (Rama V): (leans forward, waving her fan)
“First of all, let me just say—hi, my name is Thailand, and ain’t nobody taking this throne, okay?”
(The group chimes: “Hi, Thailand!”)

“So these British and French men keep sliding into my DMs—‘Oh, you’re so beautiful, let us manage your trade.’ Uh-uh! I told them, ‘You can look, but don’t touch.’ They want my resources, but I told them if they’re fighting over me, I’ll just keep the peace my way.

“I modernized a little—gave them railroads and some treaties to make them feel special—but honey, this crown is staying right here. They can take their ‘colonial ambitions’ and put it on someone else’s plate.”

(Bhutan snaps her fingers approvingly.)

Bhutan: The Quiet but Fierce Queen

Bhutan (The Dragon King): (sits back, crossing her arms, unimpressed)
“Hi, I’m Bhutan, and let me tell you something: I’m not about that messy drama.”
(The group: “Hi, Bhutan!”)

“See, when the British knocked on my door, I said, ‘Oh, you thought? No thank you.’ I signed one little treaty—just one—so they wouldn’t bother me, but that’s it. They don’t set foot in my house. I told them, ‘You can manage what’s happening outside my borders, but don’t think for one second you’re coming up in here telling me how to run my kitchen.’

“I stay low-key. I keep my doors closed, my culture tight, and my people happy. They don’t know what’s inside, and guess what? That’s how I like it. Y’all out here playing chess, and I’m sitting on my porch with tea, watching.”

(Nepal gives her a side-eye with a grin.)
“Nepal, don’t look at me like that. You know I’m right.”

Nepal: The Balancer Queen

Nepal (The King of the Himalayas): (throws her hands up dramatically)
“Okay, okay—hi, I’m Nepal, and I’ve been dealing with everybody’s nonsense.”
(The group: “Hi, Nepal!”)

“Y’all, I’m sandwiched between China and British India, and both of them act like they own the place. The British came at me after that Anglo-Nepalese War, and I said, ‘Fine, you can have some land, but don’t think I’m one of your little colonies.’ They tried to get cute, so I told them, ‘Here’s the deal—I’ll send you some of my boys to fight your wars, but you leave me alone, capisce?’

“And don’t get me started on China. They’re over here staring at me through Tibet like, ‘You good?’ And I’m like, ‘Yes, I’m fine, mind your business.’ I’m out here juggling alliances like a circus act, but guess what? This crown hasn’t moved.”

(Thailand leans in and whispers: “Girl, we see you.”)

The Facilitator Chimes In

Facilitator: (hesitant)
“Well, it sounds like you’ve all found… creative ways to handle colonial powers. But don’t you think modernization or integration might have made things easier?”

The Collective Response (in unison):

“EXCUSE YOU?”

Thailand:
“Sir, let me educate you real quick. Just because you show up with ships and suits doesn’t mean we’re gonna roll over and hand you the keys, okay? We’ve been running things for centuries.”

Bhutan: (leans in, glaring)
“Let me tell you something—nobody asked you to come here in the first place. Manage your mess before you tell us what to do.”

Nepal: (snaps fingers)
“Yes, preach! Look, we’ve been holding it down. We didn’t need your ‘help’ then, and we definitely don’t need it now. Next!”

Closing Remarks

Thailand:
“So here’s the lesson for today: If an empire comes knocking, you tell them, ‘You can negotiate, but you will not dominate.’”

Bhutan:
“And don’t forget—sometimes the best power move is saying, ‘Nope,’ and closing the door.”

Nepal:
“Or, you know, keeping both of them busy fighting each other so they don’t have time for you.”

(The group bursts into laughter, leaving the facilitator speechless.)

Key Takeaway

These three queens—Thailand, Bhutan, and Nepal—are like fierce, independent women refusing to let anyone mess with their sovereignty. They might use different strategies—diplomacy, isolation, or balancing—but the core message is the same: “I run my house. Not you.”